The perfect girl for me
May. 3rd, 2009 11:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matthewdalyI am not a feminist. I haven't tried to pass myself off as one for a number of years now. Reasonable people may debate whether any man can be a feminist, but it really isn't for me. Throughout my life, I've had the privilege of knowing a world full of women who are perfectly capable of stating their own desires and working to achieve them. My understand is far too distant, my actions are far too clumsy, and my motivations for doing so are far too suspect. If you can speak for yourself, then my duty is to listen and consider what you have to say. If you can't speak for yourself, well, it's harder then. But you don't meet women like that too often.
Dreamwidth, meet my niece C. (While you are there, also meet my nephew Z, my brother S, my sister-in-law K, and my parents.) When I met her, she wasn't able to speak for herself. It will still be a number of years before she fully finds her voice. Until that day, I am for her.
Uncle Matthew has some thoughts about raising a young woman that nobody wants to hear, but there is one rule that you do need to know. Never order C to give Uncle Matthew a kiss. A child's love is more precious than jewels, but if it isn't freely given then it very quickly becomes tawdry. C is a complex individual, and if she is not feeling well or if I have somehow upset her, I think those feelings deserve more respect than any emotional hunger I might feel. I'm not laying down rules for the world, and I don't look askance at those who want to train children in the ways of the basic social rituals. But someday C is going to be on a date with a total loser, and it is important to me that she has the seed in her mind that she is under no obligation to be affectionate to a man just because that is what she perceives that he needs.
Now that you know all that, know that this evening as she was getting ready for bed, she hopped into my lap and smiled and rubbed my face. I kissed her on the forehead, to which she crossly told her that I was doing it wrong, and then kissed me on the cheek, turned my head, kissed me on the lips, and rubbed noses with me while giggling. I am emotionally a puddle of goo over here. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Dreamwidth, meet my niece C. (While you are there, also meet my nephew Z, my brother S, my sister-in-law K, and my parents.) When I met her, she wasn't able to speak for herself. It will still be a number of years before she fully finds her voice. Until that day, I am for her.
Uncle Matthew has some thoughts about raising a young woman that nobody wants to hear, but there is one rule that you do need to know. Never order C to give Uncle Matthew a kiss. A child's love is more precious than jewels, but if it isn't freely given then it very quickly becomes tawdry. C is a complex individual, and if she is not feeling well or if I have somehow upset her, I think those feelings deserve more respect than any emotional hunger I might feel. I'm not laying down rules for the world, and I don't look askance at those who want to train children in the ways of the basic social rituals. But someday C is going to be on a date with a total loser, and it is important to me that she has the seed in her mind that she is under no obligation to be affectionate to a man just because that is what she perceives that he needs.
Now that you know all that, know that this evening as she was getting ready for bed, she hopped into my lap and smiled and rubbed my face. I kissed her on the forehead, to which she crossly told her that I was doing it wrong, and then kissed me on the cheek, turned my head, kissed me on the lips, and rubbed noses with me while giggling. I am emotionally a puddle of goo over here. I can't wait to see what happens next.
